…And if we call up Heath Bell, the Mets will hit more home runs than they've ever hit in a single game and Randy Johnson will get beat by the Devil Rays and the world will see a new pope by the time Heredia's officially disabled.

I was going to mention all that yesterday, but the, […]

King Felix was exiled, Heath Bell was freed…oh, and we pasted the Philadelphia Phillies. I mean pasted: This was a no-prisoners, baby-seal-clubbing, closed-casket rout.

A club-record seven home runs, including two by Victor Diaz (whom I'd

feared would be benched for forgetting how many outs there were

yesterday), two by Reyes, a majestic shot by Piazza (who'd never

homered […]

Not that the first five games of the season didn't suck, especially the ninth inning of the first one (and the two in Atlanta — ah, they all sucked especially hard), but one could make a case for eerie fascination with history. When are we gonna win? Are we really gonna challenge the Orioles' record […]

…two out of three ain't bad.

Once upon a time you could count

on A.J. Burnett to beat himself, but some wise man has taught him that

strikeouts are fascist and he oughta throw ground balls, seeing how

they're more democratic. Funny, he never struck me as the listening

sort in years past.

Anyway, between his still hitting 97 in the

ninth […]

As befits a game won in the eighth and

then again in the ninth, the portion of the sold-out crowd that was ambling happily down the

ramps leading to Gate D was giddy as all get out Saturday. Given that

it was the sixth consecutive win for its team, there was bound to be

more than just an extra […]

As Steve Martin told Garrett Morris when he was proven wrong about the sex appeal of the Festrunk Brothers, it’s okay, Cliff. Many American girls enjoy you, too. They enjoy your protruding buttocks all the time!

So you’re an idiot. Sometimes idiots win world championships.

While I was a little less fatalistic about mild and hazy Aaron Heilman’s […]

“Something tells me it's going to take a bit more than this to beat Florida, particularly with Heilman vs. Beckett looming as the biggest mismatch since Bambi and Godzilla squared off. (If young Aaron cares to make me look like an idiot, I'm all for that.)”

Hi, my name is Jason, and I'm an idiot.

Those first five dispiriting losses didn't count, right? Just glorified exhibitions, right? The season started when Pedro outlasted Smoltz, right?At this point, 4-5 doesn't feel too bad. Yeah, Houston appeared dysfunctional and this series was the essence of catching them at the right time (the same thing happened last August: we took two of three […]