Mets-Braves, A to Z

A's for Atlanta

Where Coke makes its Fanta

And the Mets gift the Braves

As if they were Santa

B is for Beltran

He's not a well man

His quad's day-to-day, what can ya say?

He's probably got a good health plan

C is for Cameron

And a bat that's been hammerin'

Trotted to first, the count three and two

“W-W-What?” was what we were stammerin'

D's for Disaster

The Mets are a master

More games like last night's

We'll wind up in last, sir

E is for E-Six

On a ball that normally he picks

A tack-on run, a little less fun

Say Jose, won't you please fix?

F is for Floyd

Whom righties avoid

He's like three for a hundred

And now I'm annoyed

G is for Giles

He wipes off our smiles

Makes no meaningful outs

And homers that carry for miles

H is for Horacio

No better than Astacio

His early RBI forgotten

By the time they aired the post-game show

I is for Ishii

His control is all quichey

Egg's on his face with runners on base

He oughta try pitching in Vichy

J is for Jordan

And Brian is hoardin'

New ways to milk our misery

Like the cows who're workin' for Borden

K is for Kill

Which the Braves do at will

What happens next?

The same old thing still

L is for Lose

That's hardly news

Keep your damn grits

Would y'all pass the booze?

M is for Mink

Fields as good as we think

But at .197

His average doth stink

N is for Nearly

How we beat them — yearly

The frequency of which

Feels familiar — eer'ly

O is for Out

Though Wright didn't pout

Don't throw your helmet

You're entitled to shout

P's for Piazza

Career hits? He's got lotsa

In a pinch in the ninth

He crumbled like matzoh

Q is for Queens

Where the Mets make their scenes

Their home record's amazin'

Their road mark's for beans

R's for Rafael

Furcal, you can tell

Will keep tormenting the Mets

Until he rots in hell

S is for Slide

But you can't veer too wide

Break up the play — have a nice day!

You'll watch the rest of the game from inside

T's for the Ted

Roll over, play dead

Turner Field refuses to yield

I feel this has often been said

U is for Ump

From the rulebook he'll jump

To inconsistent interference conclusions

And prove the man in blue is a hump

V's for Valent

Wonder where he went

In 2004, he was pretty darn good

His bat is apparently spent

W's for Willie

Not to blame if he's chilly

Ask him a lot why his team lost

After a while, it's you who'll feel silly

X is for X

Mets, cross out this hex

Delete these bad innings

Quit playing like wrecks

Y is for Yowl

Against the Braves I howl

I liked them much better

With Oddibe McDowell

Z's for Zambrano

Who pitches like guano

He's gonna follow Glavine

Not too soon to say “ah…no!”