The Good News

1. There is no way we lose tonight.

2. Kaz Matsui placed on the DL. His bruised knee is suddenly serious. His bats, on the other hand, have been blissfully bruise-free for months. (Rimshot.)

3. Mike DeJean released. Hopefully we also set fire to his personal effects. Let us never, ever speak of him again.

The […]

I know the intonations in Gary Cohen's voice better than I know my own father's. Then again, despite my affection for the man whose DNA I share, I don't hang on Dad's every word for three hours at a clip most every night for six months.

Given that it was Father's Day in the United States […]

Tell me about our new park. Please tell me something. Please tell me anything.

10. Mets' dugout certain to be roomier without unnecessary bat rack taking up space.

9. Home Run Apple replaced by the Single Raisin.

8. During games, DiamondVision will air complete DVD collection of The Sopranos, including bonus features, to satisfy fans' otherwise unfulfilled desire […]

I give up. No, not forever, but until this team gets its head out of its collective butt. Which will be … well, if you know, please tell me.

When your team can't hit, on one level it's hard to evaluate anything they're doing — in a way they aren't your team at all, but a […]

WARNING!

Hard drive titled NEW YORK METS is unable to access offense at this time.

Default system requirement for NEW YORK METS offense is between 4 and 6 R.

NEW YORK METS offense byte remaining is zero.

NEW YORK METS offense will not run on this operating system.

Please restart NEW YORK METS offense.

Disk titled DAUBACH insufficient for restart of […]

Wow. So it is.

Look at the luminaries who bestrode the globe then for us. Hot Rod Hundley — did zip. Ryan Thompson — went 0 for 3, probably on about seven pitches for the afternoon. At least Fonzie hit a triple, which I guarantee we cheered wildly. (Bonilla hit a triple, which I doubt we […]

The Mets ended their 32-year winless drought in Oakland, to say nothing of a more pedestrian three-game losing streak, Thursday afternoon. I dared to confirm it on television, even. But why take my word for it when we had a special correspondent on hand to bear witness?

My oldest friend in the world (oldest in the […]

You ain't missing nothing, pal. Though if I'd been wearing a tie to watch last night's game, at least I could have used it to choke myself until I passed out. While unconscious, I might have dreamed of nicer things. Like a team that can hit.

OK, that's a bit of an overreaction. Victor pitched very […]