The 2005 New York Mets, beloved Wild Card contender and object of irrational obsession to thousands, passed Tuesday evening.
They were 144 games old.
The cause of death was termed offensive futility exacerbated by an attack of executional ineptitude.
A coroner's report indicated there was little heart left at the end.
The 2005 New York Mets were best known for their sound starting pitching and a five-game winning streak late in life, most notably a pair of contests in Arizona in which they scored 32 runs.
“That's how I'd like to remember them,” said Mr. Met, self-identified “mascot” for the deceased. “Hitting and running and what not like they were really good at it. It seemed so unlike them but they seemed so happy.”
Mr. Met admitted he has a lot of thoughts rattling around in his head, “and there's room for lots more.”
The 2005 New York Mets gave new meaning to the term “.500 club,” a designation that seems appropriate in light of the deceased's wish to be cremated and scattered in 500 equal fragments over Citizens Bank Ballpark, Dolphins Stadium, Robert F. Kennedy Stadium and Minute Maid Park.
“They really wanted to be a part of the Wild Card race to the end,” said a National League source. “This way they'll be somewhere in the post-season.”
A viewing will be held at Wilpon & Son Funeral Home, 123-01 Roosevelt Ave., Flushing, September 14-22 and September 29-October 2. September 14, 15 and 29 are Value Viewing Dates.
“Come on out to Shea,” urged New York Mets eulogist Fran Healy, “and watch the Mets lie in state.”
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