Out In Left Field

I hope Barry Bonds hits six more home runs after the Mets leave San Francisco and none before then. I hope he hits 715. I hope he compiles more than George Herman Ruth. Then I hope he slinks off to wherever a Barry Bonds slinks off.

No need to pile on. He's a large, large worm. We all get that. But let him beat the Babe. Let's pound the architect of the House That Ruth Built one slot lower on the all-time chart. It's not like anybody's going to let us forget Babe Ruth. Just the fact that there's cachet to somebody “chasing” the man with the second-most career home runs is evidence of that. Not taking away a damn thing from the Damnbino. Saved baseball, et al.

But let's not kid ourselves. Skank's a Skank, 'specially Skank One. Let me know when we start making exceptions.

Let Bonds pass Ruth. Let's inject Sosa and Palmeiro and get them back on the path to 715. If we can get McGwire rolling again, I say let's do it.

Barry Bonds? Great player. Absolutely great player. Enormous ass, literally and figuratively. Deserves no empathy. Belongs in the Hall, right there with Pete Rose and Joe Jackson. Just as nobody's ever forgotten Ruth, nobody will forget the crack in their plaques. We don't need bloody asterisks or — and this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard — the erasure of his stats. Like his homers didn't happen? Do we lower the pitchers' ERAs while we're at it? Do the Pirates and Giants still win their various division titles if we delete Bonds' contributions? No, he can have his figures. The black mark we all want to slap him with will linger long after the ink on his numbers dry.

Baseball has a long memory, at least for stuff like this.

I'm more concerned with another outfielder, one of ours. Carlos Beltran, do like the Eagles suggested and take it easy. Don't feel the pressure. You've got a very valuable hamstring, don't mess with it. Don't listen to anybody but your trainers and your body and your instinct. If we have to miss you for a few more games to have you for the long haul, we'll deal with it. Endy Chavez can put down a bunt or two in your absence.

There's great stuff on hammies from a man who saw his share of 'em, '86 Mets assistant trainer Bob Sikes:

I must take my old friend, Steve Phillips, to task after he said on ESPN's Baseball Tonight that Beltran's reluctance to play was motivated by not wanting to play hurt again this year and feel the heat from Mets fans. He should know enough to know he cannot possibly know the whole story. He's not there and not part of the staff who's advising all parties concerned. An MRI can't serve as the end all here.

If caution is good enough for Bob, it's good enough for me. (And I'm always for taking Steve Phillips to task.)

Speaking of trainers, how about the most famous massage therapist in baseball, Kelly Calabrese? Keith Hernandez's bug-eyed comments on the presence of a — gasp! — female in the Padre dugout Saturday night were fairly Neanderthal, somewhat amusing and, ultimately, plain misinformed. She's working, and there's no reason to diminish her professional status. If it's OK with Bruce Bochy and whoever hired her, then big deal.

But I'll cut Mex slack, and not just because he's Mex. He's a ballplayer from what has become a long time ago and his was an honest reaction to an unorthodox sight. If we value Keith for his truthfulness, we can't fume too much when his idea of the truth doesn't jibe with ours. I just happened to tune into Mike & Mike on ESPN Radio Monday morning and they tut-tutted him big-time. The Mike who used to play football said there's nothing unusual about a woman taping up players at Notre Dame. He knows, he was there for spring practice over the weekend.

Good for Mike Golic. I'm guessing Keith Hernandez, who has since apologized, wasn't chilling in the Padres' clubhouse Saturday afternoon while Calabrese rubbed one too many knots out of Josh Barfield's villainous shoulders. You can argue that Keith should have been doing his homework, but homework's for mere mortals. Keith Hernandez's job is to detect what pitch is coming, compare Nick Johnson to George Hendrick and be the guy who was the ideal No. 3 hitter 20 years ago. Coach Sikes has the take of experience on this, too:

I feel that I know Hernandez well, and feel his comments were based on the fact he indeed has respect for women. A baseball dugout is a harsh place with rough language and men say things and do things that in my opinion can never change. I believe Hernandez is indeed a gentleman and doesn't feel women should be exposed to this. I agree and feel that here is a place where baseball cannot be feminized.

I don't particularly buy Bob's argument that Kelly Calabrese making a living is another symptom of creeping…here it comes…political correctness; and I don't think rough language is much of a barrier to service for our men and women in Iraq. But I respect Bob's perspective as one who worked in Major League dugouts (and worked with male and female student trainers in an academic setting), so I recommend you check out what he has to say. His blog remains, like Keith's announcing style, unique and a treat for all serious Mets fans.