Simply Dismayin' Again

Everybody cleared out? Sanchez? Bay? Ronnie Freaking Paulino? We wouldn't want to hurt a single human being.
Not so fast there, Randa.
KA-BOOM!!!
Pity, I really liked PNC Park. Of course I saw it when the Cardinals were the visiting team and I had nothing invested in the outcome. It was much prettier then. But you know the rules. When we get swept somewhere, that place must be destroyed. We did it with historic Fenway Park and we have to do it again.
KA-BOOM!!!
There go all those brooms, straight up in the air. Fibers are floating everywhere. (Who's fer stickball?) Way to go Pirates fans, spoiling…what? A weekend? We're still 13-1/2 games in front. Hey, look! It's a Steelers game! Run along now.
KA-BOOM!!!
There go all the bottles of Korbel snuck in from two states away. All those receipts for gas and airplanes, too. Sorry traveling Mets fans. At least you got to see a really great stadium before it was eviscerated in a fit of well-deserved pique.
KA-BOOM!!!
There go the concessions and advertisements. That's a lot of Pup-Peroni. And Primantis. Mmmm…doggie treat sandwiches with cole slaw…
KA-BOOM!!!
There goes that scoreboard with all the zeroes posted by all those lefties. Maholm, Gorzelanny, Duke: If you want to make it to arbitration eligibility so Kevin McClatchy can trade you before you want to get paid your worth, I suggest you grab your mitts, cross the Clemente and call your agents. You were just waiting in Pittsburgh to become free agents anyway.
KA-…KA-…KA-…?
There goes nothing, specifically the Mets' collective performance over the last three games. It didn't blow up because it didn't show up. Maybe Charlie Samuels shipped the bats directly from Miami to Shea. Great foresight.
So one Met win or one Phillie loss and…like I have to tell you anymore? You know the magic number better than your social security. The Astros, not surprisingly, did us no favors (for all of you who rooted so heartily for Philadelphia to win for aesthetic reasons, please remind me how great that was if we're staring down the barrel of Randy Wolf and Ryan Howard in a few weeks). The Red Sox, shockingly, did stave off their own elimination this afternoon which means even if they are stomped upon tonight, the A.L. East cannot be clinched until at least Tuesday. The Yankees play tomorrow but Boston doesn't. Just for that, they can have Fenway back.
Now the wishes of thousands come partially true. By losing Sunday (and Saturday and Friday), the Mets come home in front of their adoring — though maybe not as adoring as we were 48 hours ago — masses with a chance to clinch first in New York and create an unforgettable love-in 17 years and 148 games in the making.
Don't blow it.