Why can’t we beat the Braves Phillies? We never beat the Braves Phillies when it counts. If we don’t figure out how to beat the Braves Phillies and soon, we’re going to be screwed.
Same yips, different series.
It helps to have a lead bigger than your hand when you decide to lose your sixth in a row [1] to your closest rival, whoever they are. It helps to have perspective that in the middle of September it’s awfully hard to blow 5-1/2 games in two weeks…though we are facing the franchise whose predecessors once did worse [2]. It helps to remember the real magic numbers of any Friday night with a Saturday afternoon running right behind it are 162 and 1:10.
Just one game. But what a lousy one to lose.
Culprits? Plenty.
Paul Emmel Funny, my ticket for the very first row of the upper deck box behind home plate with a better than usual view of the plate said I was going to a baseball game, not the The Paul Fucking Emmel Show. Congratulations, you’re the star of the evening [3]. HEY! LOOK AT ME! I’M PAUL EMMELS! I COULDN’T TELL BALL FOUR FROM BALL FIVE FROM BALL SIX! I JUST CALLED OUT JOSE REYES! I’M AWESOME! Then as an encore you can’t just turn away from one of the starting catchers and let him vent? Turn in your chest protector.
Paul Lo Duca Learn to shut the fuck up, sometimes, OK? We get it, you’re passionate. Channel the passion into the passion of serenity. I thought catchers and umpires had some sort of simpatico going. Nice way to blow whatever credibility you had with that breed of idiots. Paul, you’re not helping.
Mike DiFelice OK, you were cold. OK, you’re barely active as it is. But it was a popup that was in your freaking mitt.
Aaron Heilman What is it with you and throws and the Phillies?
Jose Reyes The Professor needs a class in remedial hitting.
Jeff Conine Whatever number [4] you’re wearing, I’m beginning to suspect it shouldn’t be on a Mets jersey.
The Iron Triangle The wind was blowing in from the chop shops, the area the city has tried to ignore all these years by not installing sewers. Tonight it was apparent…and redolent.
The Phillies Batboy From Box 700A, seat 1, I watched you chase down a foul ball and sit on a stool by the Mets’ dugout for an entire at-bat. One Phillies uniform among a crowd of Mets. That seemed rather bush. Plus you left Jamie Moyer’s jacket unattended in their on-deck circle. Whose nephew are you anyway?
The Phillies Fans It took you all these years to find out the New Jersey Turnpike runs north? Maybe I’ll see you at Shea later today. Sunday, too? Eagles don’t kick off ’til Monday at 8:30…c’mon, enjoy Phillies baseball while it lasts.
Dog Night Get off the field.
The Scoreboard Operator Great that you gave Cyclones updates when they led. Odd how they disappeared by the fifth [5].
Lousy night in Queens. And Brooklyn. And, though we pay no attention officially, Boston. At least the Braves won…and it doesn’t help them one little bit.