It has come to this: A person can't take a nap without the Mets giving up six runs.
No kidding. It was a scooch past 8:30 when I curled up and closed my eyes on the couch, feeling relieved that John Maine hadn't given up the big hit in the fourth; secure he was positively reinforced after Lo Duca and Endy each drove home a run to extend our advantage to 7-3; and suddenly drowsy. It wasn't my intention to nod off, but at least I could snooze peacefully.
I woke up around 9:30 and the TV said it was Nationals 9 Mets 7 in the seventh. Then I just stared at the score strip at the top of the screen.
How on…
What the…
9-7?…
Wasn't it 7-3?…
And now it's…
We're LOSING?…
Huh?…
What?
Great meeting [1], guys.
Thankfully those few winks have come in handy because it allowed me the energy to stay glued to the Phillies-Cardinals marathon in St. Louis and, after hearing Philadelphia win it in the fourteenth [2] (why couldn't the Cardinals have kept Ronnie Belliard?), I'm fully revived so I can stay up all night and panic. But panicking is such a short-term solution. Why panic when you can plan?
My plan is we might as well get this thing over with.
I know it would be more convenient if we all went to the respective bridges nearest us [3], but we should really jump as a group. More impactful that way — makes a bigger SPLASH!, if you will.
Jason predictably [4] let me know he'd prefer the Brooklyn Bridge, but c'mon, that's a cliché, and besides, he left the country rather than observe first-hand our erstwhile seven-game lead melt to 1-1/2 (coward).
I was thinking the Whitestone because it's closest to Shea, or even the Triborough for its Metropolitan-connectivity symbolism — think about how the Mets have historically been about building bridges [5] — but I say we all meet at Riis Park in the Rockaways and hike to the middle of the Marine Parkway-Gil Hodges Bridge. Shouldn't our last act as Mets fans at least bring a little attention to our sainted manager? Maybe veterans committee members read the wire service stories about how the Mets' ineptitude literally killed us and think “shame that people take baseball so seriously…hey, that's right…Hodges was a really great player and manager…let's finally put him in the Hall.”
Unlike the 2007 season, our action will not have been for naught.
So do we leap right away? Or do we wait until we're technically in second place? Maybe hold off until we're eliminated from Wild Card contention, too? Oh, that's coming. I hadn't really paid much attention to how our record stacked up versus the consolation contenders, but it turns out we're tied with San Diego. Thus, if…HA!…when the Phillies race by us, we have no cushion. Except for the beckoning waters of Rockaway Inlet [6].
Oh crap. I just remembered that I have tickets for a bunch of games next week and I'd hate for them to go to waste. I'm gonna have to wait out the remainder of the regular season now. Well, it won't take long. Only twelve left. And on the off chance the Mets right themselves and win another game, maybe they'll win yet another and somehow remain atop the division. Or perhaps the Phillies will lose again. Doesn't seem likely; they're 6-0 since Thursday and we're 0-5 since Friday. But you never know. Besides, I'd hate to waste those tickets.
All right, we won't jump yet. But I'll start counting out quarters for any tolls we might encounter on our road to doom. I don't have EZPass.
Neither, as it turns out, do the Mets.