CHICAGO (FAFIF) — The Mets lost 7-1 at Wrigley Field Tuesday night, which came as something of a surprise to this reporter who nodded off on the couch with the Mets behind 2-1 in the eighth.
“How the fuck did it get to be 7-1?” this reporter wondered upon waking and observing the final score.
The Cubs scored five runs while this reporter napped, leading him to believe some combination of Aaron Heilman and Willie Randolph must have been doing the same thing.
“Shit,” he said. “Five runs! How the fuck did that happen? Fucking Heilman? Fucking Willie? Fuck!”
In the portion of the game for which this reporter managed to stay awake, the Mets offense sputtered while John Maine was outpitched by Carlos Zambrano.
“Fucking Maine,” this reporter noted. “And fucking Zambrano, while we're at it. Fuck!”
The Cubs took a 2-0 lead while this reporter had switched away to watch Countdown With Keith Olbermann on MSNBC. Usually this reporter switches back and forth between Countdown and the game frequently during the 8 o'clock hour, but Keith was interviewing Hillary Clinton, which “seemed newsworthy enough seeing as how it's obvious Keith can't fucking stand her,” this reporter surmised. Upon turning back to SNY after a 20-minute absence, this reporter learned Aramis Ramirez had homered off Maine.
“Fucking Ramirez,” this reporter said. “Hillary's a fucking Cubs fan, too.”
The Mets got a run back when Endy Chavez doubled and eventually scored on a Jose Reyes double play.
“How the fuck does Jose Reyes hit into a double play?” this reporter asked himself. “They're always saying how rare it is, yet it seems to happen twice a week.
“Fuck!”
Even before things began to go against the Mets, this reporter admitted he wasn't really paying very close attention to the game.
“I thought it was going to start at 8 o'clock like they usually do in Chicago,” he said. “Then I turned on the FAN around 6:30 and they were doing the pregame show. 'Fuck,' I thought, 'ESPN's doing the game, it starts at 7.'”
The mildly surprising starting time caused a brief controversy as this reporter was expecting he and his wife would do their usual Monday night grocery shopping between 7 and 8.
“She didn't feel like it any more than I did,” this reporter explained. “Good, I get to watch the game from the start. But it was weird. I wasn't really into it. Go figure.”
Game notes
This reporter agreed to pick up “some crap we're probably running out of,” including milk, at the store Tuesday. … Delgado fucking sucks. … Moises Alou is expected to come off the 15-day disabled list later this week. … Moises Alou is expected to go on the 15-minute abled list soon after. … Castillo kind of sucks, too.
The other guy on the FAFIF Mets beat did the same thing, only woke up in time to see Pie jogging around the bases. Fuck.
I saw the whole fucking thing unravel. Fuck!
But at least this recap gave me something to chuckle about – bloggers should definitely replace those stodgy old AP guys.
Fuck…
my buddy called me as soon as the game was over. I saw the Cedeno hit, changed the channel, only to have my son yell up from the basement “Sosa just gave up a 3 run homer!!”.
My friend spoke thusly “God, does heilman suck or what? That proves Jim Palmer's point (yes, he referenced Jim Palmer)..ERA might be the least effective way to measure the value of a pitcher”. Cause all 5 runs were unearned…Jesus, could you get out of a jam that YOU caused (yes, yes I know about Philly).
Great Fucking post, sounds like the dinner table conversation at my house, pass the fucking potatoes
While we're on the topic of people who suck, let's not forget Marlon Anderson. Every time he hits for the pitcher I ask, “why? The pitcher's got the better chance at getting on base!”
Our bench is the fucking shits.
So much for the good vibes that resulted from the 5-game winning streak.
Now we suck again. Great. And Schoeneweis didn't even get into the game.
Fucking Heilman. Fucking Sosa. Fuck!
Fucking Castillo. Anyone notice how we were winning when he was “hitting” 8th instead of 2nd? FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!
“The Cubs took a 2-0 lead while this reporter had switched away to watch Countdown With Keith Olbermann on MSNBC. Usually this reporter switches back and forth between Countdown and the game frequently during the 8 o'clock hour, but Keith was interviewing Hillary Clinton, which “seemed newsworthy enough seeing as how it's obvious Keith can't fucking stand her,” this reporter surmised. Upon turning back to SNY after a 20-minute absence, this reporter learned Aramis Ramirez had homered off Maine. ”
Greg,
Upgrade your F*$*ing cable box to get picture-in-picture. :)
Our house at least had the courtesy to nod off after we started sucking.
Oh, wait, when in the game was that, exactly.
Carlos Zambrano thanks god more than Prince does. Fuck him. (Zambrano, not Prince or the entity upstairs)
good news greg. a little ctrl-c, ctrl-v and ctrl-f-and-replace and you're all set to mail in today's post.
That is the funniest post I've read in weeks!