Ladies and gentlemen, here they are, your 2007 New York Mets!

Wait, what's that? You're sure? But I see…

…a pathetic lack of offense

…indifferent defense

…inefficient starting pitching

…scattershot relief

…mental mistakes

…can-do blather from authority figures

…no indication that anybody wearing the uniform is ready to stand up and say enough's enough.

I thought that extra-inning win against the Phillies had finally […]

They've got all kinds of banners and signs posted in Nationals Park. They might want to add this one around first after last night:

Under this glove pass the loveliest double play balls in the world.

To paraphrase from Jackie Mason's description of Ronald Reagan's presidency, Carlos Delgado is a wonderful baseball player, a terrific baseball player, […]

Less than an eighth of the season is gone, which isn't anywhere near enough time to draw conclusions about a player, team or pennant race. But we're fans — what are we supposed to do, turn off the set and take the long view? Nah, we draw conclusions every night, shifting our stances until eventually […]

13: Sunday, September 7 vs Phillies

It is not exactly a family secret, ladies and gentlemen, that the Mets who took up residence in Shea Stadium 44 years ago weren't worldbeaters. Their records in the Polo Grounds? 40 and 120, 51-111. The trend continued for the first two seasons at Shea: 53 and 109, 50 and […]

Afternoon games at Wrigley…idyllic, no?

No?

Not this one. And that was the only one we get for 2008, which is OK from here. The Cubs are good and the Mets are relentlessly so-so, making it difficult to enjoy the ivy for the trees. The charm of America's most charming ballpark dissipates when you're losing 8-1 the […]

14: Saturday, September 6 vs Phillies

Ladies and gentlemen, this afternoon for our Countdown Like It Oughta Be salute, we honor one of the most memorable seasons in Mets history. In many ways, “season” is an overstatement because this Mets team did all its important business in the span of about six weeks. No team ever […]

CHICAGO (FAFIF) — The Mets lost 7-1 at Wrigley Field Tuesday night, which came as something of a surprise to this reporter who nodded off on the couch with the Mets behind 2-1 in the eighth.

“How the fuck did it get to be 7-1?” this reporter wondered upon waking and observing the final score.

The Cubs […]

15: Friday, September 5 vs Phillies

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we pay tribute to one of the seven Mets teams whose identity is inscribed above the right field wall where we are revealing the numbers that indicate how many games remain in the life of Shea Stadium. This one, however, is not easily summarized by the […]