Swoon for the Mischbegotten

Roster update, per Mr. Rubin of the News and the Mets' dumb luck:

• Lefty Pat Misch and righty Elmer Dessens are mounting their white steeds and heroically galloping to the rescue of an overworked bullpen. They could contribute most effectively by tying Bobby Parnell to his locker so he couldn't come when Jerry Manuel inevitably calls, but presumably they are being whisked to Citi Field to pitch.

• The not particularly belabored Ken Takahashi will refamiliarize himself with the charms of Buffalo Bisonhood.

• Wilson Valdez seeks a new assignment, having been designated for exactly that.

• Veteran Major League outfielder Fernando Martinez returns, four days older and wiser from when he was last a Met, his .194 batting average having almost nowhere to go but up.

• Carlos Beltran has been placed on the 15-day Disabled List with a bone bruise to the right knee that, unlike the Mets' day-to-day Active List, has grown noticeably deeper.

Actually, I guess that's a bigger deal than Pat Misch and Elmer Dessens combined, but I figured by saving the bad news for last you'd have a few extra seconds to enjoy thinking Carlos Beltran might be OK.

Hope you reveled in the respite.

I read something about a hopeful prognosis that Carlos might be out only a couple of weeks, but these are the Mets we're talking about. Their prognoses for injured players bring to mind Pat Morita in the World War II flashback scene of the Japanese restaurant episode of The Odd Couple: “They told me I'd be making love to Betty Grable on White House lawn by Christmas.”

From Pat Morita to Pat Misch: 0-7 over four seasons with the Giants. Gave up 11 home runs in 52.1 innings in 2008. But that's the old Pat Misch. Actually, I feel like the Mets have been giving us The Old Pat Misch (wink, wink) all season long. But let's remember not too many weeks ago we wondered who the hell Fernando Nieve was.

I saw Al Leiter outduel Elmer Dessens on a day so hot Dessens had to be taken to Mount Sinai for dehydration. But he was pitching well before that. This was nine years ago. Elmer Dessens, 48-62 lifetime, was 29 then. He's nine years older now.

Let's Go Mets…whoever you are.