With apologies, if not royalties, to Helen Reddy [1]…
I am Wheeler
Throwing more
Than I should throw by
Inning four
And you thought my start
Was soon about to end
The Nats had me on
The ropes
All prepared to dash
Our hopes
You were certain we were gonna
Lose again
But you should get wise
That I wriggle out of jams
Though my pitch counts rise
When first I lack command
If I have to, I can strand anyone
I am Zack (Zack!)
Nearly unbeatable (unbeatable!)
I am Wheeler!
They can bend but never
Break me
Bases loaded doesn’t
Faze me
When Lobaton drives a liner [2]
Toward the hole
’Cause the ball will strike
Cabrera
Out by freakish running
Error
Now whose chances look much worse than
Beltran’s mole?
Oh yes, I walk guys
But it doesn’t mean they’ll score
I’m no David Price [3]
Yet I’ve begun to soar
If I have to, I can strand everyone
I am Zack (Zack!)
Almost untouchable (untouchable!)
I am Wheeler!
I am Wheeler
Watch me throw
Warthen did
On video [4]
The coach helped me find my footing
In that earth
Plus I got some
Double plays
Eric Campbell [5] sure
Amazed [6]
Some scruffy gnome [7] resembling
Jayson Werth [8]
We picked up a game
If you’re thinking pennant race
Put standings aside
Forget we’re in fourth place
It was sweet to simply beat the Nationals [9]
I am Zack (Zack!)
Lately incredible (incredible!)
I am Wheeler!
Oh, I am Wheeler
I am not alone [10] here
Not for long [11]