Enjoy that one [1]. The nightcap saw the Mets do absolutely nothing against entitled annoyance Gio Gonzalez [2], a little Daniel Murphy [3] parachute aside.
Enjoy that one. They finished the season [4]4-15 against the Nationals. Go a mediocre 9-10 and they would have been over .500.
Enjoy that one. Zack Wheeler [5]‘s final start was a letdown — he was throwing 98, but melted down (with some help from bad defense and bad luck) in the fourth.
Enjoy that one. Matt Harvey [6] ensured a new cycle of sports-talk annoyance by attending Jeterfest [7]. Worse, he tweeted about #RE2PECT like a hyperventilating Belieber.
Enjoy that one. Oh’naud, the concern about Travis d’Arnaud [8] is related to his el’baud.
Enjoy that one. Did you see what happened in the Bronx? It was simultaneously epic and annoying. No I’m not fucking linking to it. Go check any other site.
Enjoy that one. The dream of a .500 season went down the toilet tonight, leaving nothing left except the pursuit of a meaningless second place.
Enjoy that one. Second place would be neat, but fourth place is still very possible.
Enjoy that one. We’re down to three with the Astros, a concert by someone I’ve never heard of who looks 12 and a bobblehead that looks nothing like Casey Stengel [9].
Enjoy that one. Soon David I. Pankin, the paving-stones guy with his Armortec secret weapon, Cindy from Lee’s Toyota and Roscoe the bedbug-sniffing dog will be gone.
Enjoy that one. Kevin Burkhardt’s already gone. I already miss him [10].
Enjoy that one. On the plus side, Alexa can soon stop blinking SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL in Morse code on those painful Mets QVC ads.
Enjoy that one. Football will soon rule the land, offering nonstop concussions, abused children and unconscious fiancees, appalling coverups and lying commissioners.
Enjoy that one. We’re down to unexpected plans, previous engagements and the like wiping out not a tiny part of the season, but a third of it.
Enjoy as many of these as you can, as best you can. Because there aren’t enough of them left.