1. Bartolo Colon [1] sucked.
2. Wilmer Flores [2] made another error.
3. The bats did zero against a guy who came in with an ERA north of 7.
4. Dilson Herrera [3], one of the only players worth watching in this disaster, broke his fingertip and is headed for the DL.
5. Herrera will be replaced on the roster not by Matt Reynolds [4] but by Eric Campbell. [5] because when things are going great you don’t rock the boat.
6. I could go on, but fuck this bullshit [6]. It’s still early; go salvage your Friday night.
7. Oh wait, it’s raining.