Dear Student:
The following is your remote learning unit for May 27, 2021. Please complete each assigned exercise, derived from this afternoon’s lesson plan, and submit your answers through your personalized educational portal, using code TWOFORTHURSDAY.
Please stay safe,
New York Metropolitan Teaching Technologies
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1) A standard scheduled baseball game measures nine innings. How many innings would a doubleheader that takes place on the day that a standard baseball game was originally scheduled contain?
2) “It always rains” is a common refrain when it rains. If “it always rains” is a true statement, why might it be sunny the day after it rains? If it doesn’t always rain, why do people feel the need to say “it always rains”?
3) Explain the relationship between the phrase “keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars” and former All-Star pitcher Marcus Stroman reaching the end of the sixth inning having thrown mostly ground balls.
4) Jose Peraza leaves a team in Cincinnati, detours through Boston, and then without warning arrives in New York. How long does it take Jose Peraza’s second home run of the year to depart Citi Field?
5) Create a backstory for a fictional character named “Billy McKinney”. Please include details so as to make him seem real. Feel free to includes fictional characters you’ve previously created this term (e.g. “Johneshwy Fargas”).
6) How many saves in how many save opportunities will it take for Edwin Diaz to subtract a phrase like “Jarred Kelenic homered again” from common usage?
7) On the attached anatomical diagram, circle all the body parts NOT injured among the 17 members of the New York Mets currently on the injured list.
8) Calculate the difference between the six weeks Noah Syndergaard has been “shut down” and the period of time it will take Noah Syndergaard to pitch in the major leagues again.
9) If Cameron Maybin comes to bat a given number of times and never gets a base hit, how can Cameron Maybin be said to have a batting average?
10) True or false: $341 million buys a lot of defense and little else. Offer supporting evidence.
11) If a 27th man on a 26-man roster doesn’t participate in either game of a doubleheader, does he make a sound? If so, what kind of sound does he make? If he doesn’t, why not?
12) What is accurate about Connor Joe? (Choose all that apply.)
a) “Connor Joe” is a full name yet somehow feels incomplete.
b) Connor Joe Armstrong would be a more apt name than just “Connor Joe” for a left fielder who demonstrates a strong arm.
c) Connor Joe Wood would be a more apt name than just “Connor Joe” for a batter who gets good wood on the ball.
d) Connor I. Joe would get everybody in attendance at a large, socially distanced gathering up on their feet and clapping.
e) Connor Joe is a perfectly adequate name and any thoughts to the contrary demonstrate a lack of cultural sensitivity.
13) If a pitch is called a “churve” because it is a combination of a changeup and a curve, what would a combination fastball and knuckleball be called?
14) Jeurys Familia and Robert Gsellman are figures of local historical import. Why is it so easy to forget they continue to exist in the present?
15) Agree or disagree with the following statements:
a) Seven-innings games suck
b) Winning them doesn’t
c) The Colorado Rockies aren’t very good
d) Sweeping them is
I love 5 and 11, but 13 is my favorite!
Love #5 the most. Billy Ball appears to know his way around an outfield.
This whole team is a figment of someone’s imagination….. maybe a snotty little kid named Zack.
16) How many ways can you say that the Mets just swept a doubleheader and are somehow still in first place despite the fact that most of these Mets are backups and AAA players? (Answer: 16. Like, duh.)
By the way, the answer to question 13 is “don’t read this question while you’re drinking something; it’s a choking hazard.”
Speaking of question 13, it reminds me of the pitcher who described the pitch that got hit out of the park as a cross between a screwball and a changeup, (a.k.a. a “screwup”.
1) 18! (gnashes teeth)
2) Humans are prone to exaggerations, like when Mom says that she totally gave it to Julie in the office today, but all she did was hiding the decaf.
3) Maybe that is the reason why he is a *former* All Star pitcher.
4) 4.5 seconds from the time of bat meeting ball.
5) See Attachment 1. [attaches nothing]
6) 327 in 327.
7) [makes no marks]
8) 6 weeks * 280% (standard Mets injury length surcharge) plus 9 months (the baseball gods hate us) = 56 weeks (rounded up)
9) I prefer to say that he bats nothing whatsoever anyway.
10) [attaches picture of Lindor hacking over a pitch in the dirt]
11) Yes, he does make a sound, it is most aptly described as a high-pitch whine, because he travelled all the way to be the 15th pitcher on the roster, and then Stroman pitched so well, and Lucchesi pitched so well by his trivial standards, that no sixth long man was required and then he had to travel all the way back to Syracuse as a ghost.
12) A, C
13) I tried to answer this question, but it keeps engaging the platform’s swear filter.
14) They do not exist, they are all part of the fictional cast I invented. Please kindly see Attachment 1. [still attaches nothing]
15a) Agree.
15b) Agree.
15c) Agree.
15d) Agree!
6) As long as he continues at a 145/203/291 pace, the answer is 0.
Some teams would pay up to 300 million quid for that kinda bat.
If teams are going to pay 300 million quid, then the guy in question must be a bloody good silly mid on. Can he also have a go at short mid wicket? Ours can’t handle a googly though, and the punters are all telling him to sod off.
Regarding #9: Perhaps the Metsies might consider letting Stroman play third on days he doesn’t start, and move Villar to the outfield. After all, Stroman’s BA and OPS are higher than Maybin’s. And Almora’s, for that matter.
On second thought, I’ll tackle a few more of these (the word “tackle” is brought to you by Tim Tebow, who probably would be on the Mets today had he not decided to go back to football and make lots of money):
1) The first doubleheader I ever attended, the answer was 24. It was a long day. (Mets swept that one too, by the way.)
2) As ol’ Casey would have said, you can only do three things in a ballgame. You can win, or you can lose, or it can rain.
5) Deduct 5 points for coming up with a name as improbable as “Johneshwy”. You could have chosen a real name, like, say, “Taijuan”.
7) I’d rather not say.
8) Period of time it will take Noah Syndergaard to pitch in the majors again, minus 6 weeks Noah has been “shut down”, equals “6 weeks to stop the spread”
10) Rey Ordonez. Minus 341 million dollars or so.
12) Hey, the last name first name thing works. Look what it did for James LeBron.
Oh, Teacher? For #7, I didn’t see a “None of the above” option?
Extra credit: what is Cameron Maybin’s batting average divided by the square root of Stephen Tarpley’s ERA?
Division by 0 is undefined.
Can we go back to the “it always rains” thing real quick?
13. fastball knuckleball = churve – curveball = changeup (trick question that 13!)
with all these cove-outs and rain-outs can the mets win the division without enough days left to make up at least some of these postponements?
we DO have 7 inning games, ghost runners…and at some point there won’t be anyone left to call up or trade for major leaguers, minor leaguers. i say YES; ironically, to maintain the integrity of the game.
you read it here first (i think ;0)
bonus question: by what date will the mets have a full 25 on the IL?
Thomas Szapucki, we hardly knew ye. Actually, we didn’t know ye at all.
Thank you, Mr. Prince!!
And yes, Billy McKinney does have a backstory. He was originally slated to be the upstart college roommate of Henry Skrimshander, protagonist in Chad Harbach’s fabulous novel, The Art of Fielding. (Please tell me you’ve read it.)
On the way to the presses, Billy suffered a typo injury – relegating him to the editor’s sidelines. The rest is history. Mets history.
I really hate this new math.