DATE: June 21, 2023
FROM: United States Patent Office
TO: New York Mets
RE: Patent Application Status Report
We are in receipt of your patent application for your invention, “A New Way to Lose,” and are considering its originality and efficacy. It appears your blending of many previously invented ways to lose into one enormous way to lose, culminating in a gobsmacking 10-8 loss at Houston, is, in fact, unique. So much bad fielding, bad pitching, badly timed lack of hitting, bad thinking and even a bit of bad luck all being distilled into one baseball game does appear to be unprecedented, although our experts continue to discuss whether this is a method of losing that can or even should be patented. For the good of the sport and your fans as well as the nation at large, our office’s provisional sentiment is none of which you illustrated in your submission of June 21 should be disseminated to anyone who enjoys what many still opt to consider “the National Pastime,” lest it destroy whatever goodwill remains for baseball. A final decision will be issued shortly. In the interim, we wish you just stop with this sort of play. Thank you.
National League Town seconds that emotion.
This game started at a UK friendly 19:10. As always, I looked forward to it throughout the day. For the first time since I’ve been able to watch games live in the UK (on MLBTV) I switched off at 9:8 middle seven and went to bed. We’ve all seen The Mets lose so it’s not that the caused it. its the shitty, error strewn stuff like the throw that went past Pete at 1st, or Pete running closer to the mound than the base path trying to run to 1st. And, I hate to say this, stuff like that is on Buck.
We have to ensure Eppler is nowhere near a phone on Deadline Day, get rid of him. Hopefully Stearns will do much better next offseason.(He’s coming) Eventually Cohen will get a winning organisation in place. NOT this season :-(
You may want to consider applying for a patent for new ways to describe losses cleverly. Looks like you’ll be doing a lot of that for the balance of this season.
I wonder if there’s some kind of toxic environment going on in the clubhouse, or behind the scenes? When that happens people have trouble bringing their best to work every day, and don’t perform to their capabilities.
Jeremy Hefner was a terrible, awful, not very good pitcher, so I’m not surprised the pitching staff has imploded under his “coaching.”
^^this.
it doesn’t help that 2 mediocre, some say, mercenary pitchers are earning per start what a mediocre pitcher like mcgill makes for a year of frustrating starts.
like a free agent underperforming under the weight of a massive contract, the ridiculous payroll of the current team may have doomed them from the start.
i can only realistically root for the mets to be sellers at the deadline. not that they’ll get much of a haul for the pieces that most need to move.
(remember the talk of buyer mets getting diaz’ brother from seller reds??)
Another day in Houston, and once again my fellow Mets fans, the Julk’s on us.
The 2023 New York Mets™ (Pat. Pending) have indeed shown an uncanny ability to play juuuust bad enough in whatever facet(s) required to juuuust avoid winning any given ballgame.
Although this is generally what bad teams do, this particular club can expertly mix & match a dizzying gamut of breakdowns to achieve the end result — horrid pitching, unclutch hitting, foolish baserunning, exasperating defense, and then sprinkle in a few rules violations to fill any potential gaps.
I notice Keith has stopped saying “All you kids at home…” because even the kids at home already know that this isn’t how you play baseball.
Last year, it took 86 wins to make the playoffs. So we have to play .600 ball the rest of the way to get there. And the next 16 games are vs Phil, Milw, Ariz, SD & LA. Tough to patent that!
Over the last few months, I’ve been reading several books about our Mets-“Here’sThe Catch” -Ron Swoboda, “The Kings of Queens” and “So Many Ways to Lose” by Devin Gordon.
The So Many Ways to Lose book brought back many old nightmares-Yeah, I’m a Mets fan since 1963-
But this 2023 version of losing is much more expensive-$$ than other seasons-1993-anyone?
Diffult to watch this team without screaming at TV–“WHAT THE FUCK are YOU doing” without scaring my German Shepherd.
Well I knew last year’s great 3/4 of a season would have a price-but this is stupid.
No doubt Uncle Steve Cohen has a case of Agita!
OY!
The 2023 Mets are the spiritual successors to the 1993 Mets. This team doesn’t have anybody nearly as reprehensible a human being as the worst actors on the 1993 team (please refer to Jason’s “Nine layers of Mets Hell” for more on this), but they otherwise stir the same level of disgust in anybody who can stomach watching them.
Titan Submersible & NY Mets 2023 Season…
Please Compare & Contrast.
(If necessary, I’ll deservingly accept a 10-game Comments suspension for this indelicate joke.)
At first I thought it said ‘Patient Application Considered,’ and I wanted to get an application myself.
Really hard to believe the contrast between this year and last. I would have thought they/we would have been similar to last year, just on osmosis alone.
Hey, if the Reds can do it, so can we…. I think. They sure are fun to watch, if you want a little pick-me-up.
And Howie, it looks like our 1962 record of futility might be safe. Thank Goodness the A’s had that winning streak. They do look pretty good sometimes.
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