DATE: June 21, 2023
FROM: United States Patent Office
TO: New York Mets
RE: Patent Application Status Report
We are in receipt of your patent application for your invention, “A New Way to Lose,” and are considering its originality and efficacy. It appears your blending of many previously invented ways to lose into one enormous way to lose, culminating in a gobsmacking 10-8 loss at Houston [1], is, in fact, unique. So much bad fielding, bad pitching, badly timed lack of hitting, bad thinking and even a bit of bad luck all being distilled into one baseball game does appear to be unprecedented, although our experts continue to discuss whether this is a method of losing that can or even should be patented. For the good of the sport and your fans as well as the nation at large, our office’s provisional sentiment is none of which you illustrated in your submission of June 21 should be disseminated to anyone who enjoys what many still opt to consider “the National Pastime,” lest it destroy whatever goodwill remains for baseball. A final decision will be issued shortly. In the interim, we wish you just stop with this sort of play. Thank you.
National League Town seconds that emotion [2].