Going Through Customs

Welcome to the United Kingdom. Before you enter the country, you must fill out this customs form.

NAME: New York Mets

OCCUPATION: Major League Baseball Team

PRIMARY DESTINATION WHILE VISITING: London Stadium

REASON FOR VISIT: Baseball Games (2)

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DECLARE?
(please answer in detail)

• We declare we have swept our three most recent baseball games, from the Washington Nationals, in Washington, DC, USA.

• We declare that we are hitting very well, having scored nine runs in the series finale we played on Wednesday, June 5, and 23 runs in the series overall.

• We declare that for the first time in ages, our previous three starting pitchers have posted wins, with the closest thing we have to an All-Star candidate, Luis Severino, accomplishing his win most definitively, lasting eight innings on Wednesday and allowing only a single run.

• We declare that our 9-1 win on Wednesday was unusually rousing for us, as we usually have to either creep from behind or hang on with all our might.

• We declare that on Wednesday, just as on Tuesday, every member of our starting lineup registered at least one base hit.

• We declare our top of the sixth inning on Wednesday made our fans overlook our standard shortcomings, as it started with Luis Torrens’s second home run of the game, continued on the very next pitch with a home run from Francisco Lindor and then resulted in six runs in all.

• We declare we are quite happy with what are often referred to as “scrap heap” finds: Torrens, who has already erased the unconditionally released Omar Narváez from the Mets fan collective memory; and Jose Iglesias, who at second base has gone from providing reserve depth to elbowing disappointing Jeff McNeil to the bench versus lefthanders.

• We declare Iglesias is hitting .389 and Torrens is batting .300, all caveats regarding sample size duly noted.

• We declare that after a dismal start, Lindor appears to have come alive, even if we reflexively brace for backsliding.

• We declare Mark Vientos is developing a stranglehold on the third base job, though we might have thought that was the case with Brett Baty earlier in the year.

• We declare Pete Alonso, not noted for his defense, made several sparkling plays at first base on Wednesday.

• We declare that, although we maintain the contracts of many higher-profile relief pitchers, if we have to ring the bullpen, lately we most hope Dedniel Nuñez or Danny Young answers the phone, or even Adrian Houser!

• We declare we are heartily anticipating the return of Francisco Alvarez once we are back in the USA, but we are also kind of hoping our “taxi squad” catcher Joe Hudson gets into a game while we’re in London if for nothing more than a Met making his team debut on the other side of the Atlantic.

• We declare that while Londoners might mind the gap between our baseball team and that of the first-place Philadelphia Phillies who we are coming to your country to play twice, we couldn’t have more momentum, especially compared to how we’ve been playing most of this season.

• We declare we have exactly 100 games to go in 2024, and while our record remains abysmal, we can’t be considered completely dead for the balance of the schedule, given the spongy playoff picture in the National League.

Please add any further information that might be relevant to your forthcoming stay in the UK.

We’ve got to admit it’s getting better, a little better all the time; it can’t get no worse.