Does the hamate bone exist for any reason except to sideline baseball players? Holy Benny Agbayani — how many outfielders can one playoff contender lose and still stay upright? With Carlos Gomez lost until September, I had to remind myself not to look askance at Ricky Ledee. Because if not him, who? The Mets were obviously thinking the same thing, hastily bringing back David Newhan and dispatching Lastings Milledge to play anywhere — Binghamton, Cooperstown, a rap studio, an argyle-sweater factory — where he could get some quick at-bats. With Moises Alou still trapped in the Quad Zone, perhaps Lastings will get the extended audition fate denied him repeatedly after all. If the Mets' line of outfield succession was like that of the presidency, Lastings would be the Secretary of Labor. But looks like he'll make the Oval Office — I mean, left field — anyway.
This week I keep missing the beginning of games, which means I've been missing the only part one would want to see. It's strange to see your team is up 2-0 and mutter obscenities. Fortunately, neither Reyes nor Delgado nor Castro nor Beltran nor the reluctantly accepted Ledee were done. Neither was John Maine, who pitched like he was hurling a gauntlet down before Roy Oswalt. I can strike people out too, All-Star. I've got 10 wins, All-Star. What are you going to do, All-Star? (By the way, with Smoltz 86'ed the Braves somehow have just one All-Star.)
Oliver on the shelf. Sosa on the shelf. Alou still on the shelf. Gomez on the shelf. Lastings trying to get off the shelf. The reconstructed, glued-back-together Pedro not yet ready for picking up from the shelf. Yes sirree, we live in interesting times.
When asked why he did not make every effort to have the 10-4 Maine on the National League team, La Russa explained, “Winning the All-Star Game is totally and completely unimportant to me. You're forgetting just how much I suck.”
As for outfielders, I'm guessing Endy's bobblehead will be in left on July 13. The other 77 games?
Ricky Ledee: 10 games (9 losses)
Damion Easley: 8 games
Benny Agbayani: 12 games (as long as you mentioned him, what else could he be doing that's more worthwhile? And don't tell me playing in Japan.)
David Newhan: 6 games
Lastings Milledge: 2 games (then he's being traded for Mark Buehrle and Carlos Zambrano; he winds up with the A's and bats .477 while both our new pitchers go on the DL)
Moises Alou: yeah, right
Paul Lo Duca: 3 games (works well enough until he gets into a raging disagreement with the 338 sign and is suspended for a month by Azek Trimboards)
Todd Hundley: 1 game (technically he's announced into the lineup but then falls down dead drunk…I mean exhausted)
David Wright: 6 games (actually, he remains listed at third base but he swears to Willie that if he plays deep enough he can cover both; Willie's too desperate to argue)
John Maine: 20 games (had time to practice over the All-Star break since he wasn't going anywhere for three days anyway)
Shawn Green: 4 games (thus leaving right vacated, but you can't have everything)
Julio Franco: 1 game (as a 49th birthday present; fields fly balls from a folding chair; Dmitri Young registers six triples)
Dave Kingman: 1 game (wakes up one morning having completely forgotten he was released in 1984; Willie's too desperate to argue)
Cleon Jones: 1 game (edges out Kevin McReynolds in fan balloting)
Cliff Floyd: 1 game (as long as the Cubs play mostly day games, his nights are free; boy is Piniella pissed)
Joe McEwing: 1 game (oh you know sooner or later it will come to that)
That one had me do a spit-take all over my monitor…
What, no Marlon Anderson? I hear he was released recently, we could get him for a butterfinger.
I like it. I can visualize it (like whorled peas). And sadly, this doesn't look all that far-fetched.
I've got dibs on the dream seats for the Super Joe game. Why do I stil llove that guy so much?
One of the funniest lines in F&F history.
Butch Huskey, is that you?
In a word?
R I C K E Y!
(and I don't mean “Branch”)
Love it! If we can have John Maine moonlighting as a pinch runner, he can do anything!
Rickey's in the clubhouse.
Rickey's working on an inside straight.
Rickey can't be bothered to play left.
But if the Mets called, sure, Rickey would listen…
Rickey likes to be called.
Rickey likes to be unretired.
Rickey doesn't actually like to play.
Speaking of bobbleheads, did you read about how the Cubs have been employing interns to paint new facial features on their supply of Michael Barrett bobblehead dolls? They're apparently going to be utilized for Mike Fontenot Bobblehead Day instead.