SERIES PREVIEW
Opponent: St. Louis Cardinals
Annoyance Level: High
Why: Because the St. Louis Cardinals used to be a divisional rival, a hot one. Now they're like visiting dignitaries with their one trip a year and all their good press.
Reputation: Oooh, it's the Cardinals. Oooh, they play in the best place ever. Oooh, they're so good.
Reality: They're very good. They've developed a nasty habit of kicking our ass a little much of late. But screw you, standing-ovation-giving fans and all that “it's so nice to play here” nonsense. This is the same demographic that threw beer on Lenny Dykstra.
Irritants: Mark McGwire, for one. He's the one who took them from relatively anonymous Midwestern franchise to The Happiest Place on Earth. And now look how they've turned on him. “Let's name a highway after him and then let's unname it because that stuff he was doing to make us so happy, we don't approve of it anymore.” Tony LaRussa, for another. Does that need explaining? And Jim Edmonds. May he make a great diving catch heading to the wall and keep going…dropping the ball in the process (Matsui will still manage to get thrown out at a random base). Oh yeah — David Eckstein. Just a hunch.
Likely: Albert Pujols will take Glavine very deep. Heilman, too. Maybe Pedro. Pujols turns Shea into the Royal Albert Hall. Man, he's good.
Possibly: Larry Walker will take Glavine very deep if he cares to face a lefty. Hey Walker: Be a man for once and stop taking bows. Otherwise, he'll simply spank Heilman. Pujols is a given. Whoever's filling in for Rolen will make like twelve great plays. Some punk reliever will whack Floyd on the wrist causing all of us to wince. LaRussa will be all, “Huh? Who me?” Screw you, LaRussa. Go win a World Series or two.
Definitely: A few too many Cardinals fans will show up at Shea because they “travel well”. The last Cardinal game I went to there was a double-whammy: Itinerant St. Louisians and misplaced Tino Martinez lovers. Yeech on both counts.
New Guy To Hate: Mark Mulder. Duel Pedro? Go beat the Yankees in 2000 or 2001, big-shot. Screw you, Mulder.
Fawn Factor: Tom Seaver will tell the world that the Cardinals are a highly professional organization. Dave O'Brien will nod. On the other hand, Gary Cohen will barely disguise his contempt for the whole, red lot of them. I love you, Gary Cohen.
Reminders: They lay down for the Red Sox. We handled them with ease the last time it mattered, in 2000. They barely beat us the last weekend of 1964. Keith Hernandez for Neil Allen and Rick Ownbey is still a scream. The 1985 Royals and the 1987 Twins were world champions.
They Are: Pond Scum, now and forever.
Whoo-hoo!!! I'm ready for a knockdown, drag-out. As a longstanding Gashouse Gang fanatic, I'm afraid I'm in the “I respect the Cardinals organization” camp, but not necessarily THESE Cardinals. There are few players I hate more than Jim Edmonds. And John F'ing Mabry is back yet again, like the bad penny is he. I don't CARE what a nice guy he is, he's a total pain in the a** at the most inopportune moments. Like every time he comes up in the 9th inning. I think every hit he's ever gotten against us has been in the 9th. I've also got a very bad feeling about Larry Walker this weekend.
But Albert Pujols… any sentence I'd utter would include the words “best” “hitters” and “ever.” What's not to like about that guy, besides the fact that he's not a Met? I'm also a huge fan of Matt Morris. HOWEVER, the Cardinals are, generally, Pond Scum.
You know, I've been trying in vain for several years to find one of those “Mets are Pond Scum” t-shirts that they were selling when we BEAT THEM IN THE 2000 NLCS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Yeah, WE'S POND SCUM, BAY-BEE!!! AND PROUD OF IT!!!!
LGM
(Actually, I think the 2000 t-shirt said “Mets are *still* pond scum.” And I *still* want one!)
Roberto Hernandez, I love you. You retired John Mabry in the 9th, when a lesser man would have given up the inevitable two-run double to that annoying motherf'er. Whatever the future may bring, I'll never forget you for this.
Smooches,
Laurie
Oh, how hilarious!!! Mabry the Hun comes in to PH, so in my head, it's the 9th. We get the third out, I'm all relieved that we pulled it off, so I switch over to the Twins and go prepare my recycling for tomorrow's pickup.
I later look at the boxscore and see that the game is listed at 2:10. Puzzled, I email Greg and ask him how that could be, as when the game ended, I had already done my recycling by 9:05.
He informs me that Mabry was dispensed in the 8th, not the 9th. So there's me, thinking the game is over and turning it off in the 8th. Imagine if we'd lost, and I hadn't looked over the boxscore? I'd be in the Twilight Zone tomorrow (“but we won!! I watched the game!”)