Phillies: The Other Dead Meat

by Greg Prince on 5 April 2007 10:50 pm

If it weren't for who was sweeping them, I'd be overjoyed that the Phillies just got beaten three straight.
Since it was against the Braves, I'll settle for joyed.
Three games. Just three games. Chuck Dressen insisted the Giants was dead in 1951 after many more games and he was revealed quite incorrect in his assessment. But c'mon, you gotta revel in the Rollins mystique unraveling so very quickly. Team to beat? Insert your own suitable retort regarding beatings applied to his team here.
It's a damn shame Philly and Atlanta can't both be 0-3 right now. For what it's worth, the Braves came close to throwing it all away in the ninth. Up 8-2, Macay McBride and Chad Poronto (both of whom sound like they were called in to provide backup to Ponch and Jon on CHiPS) walked five Phils, letting in two runs and leaving the bases loaded for Carlos Ruiz who popped up on the first and final pitch from Rafael Soriano.
Confession: I barely know who any of the players mentioned in the above paragraph are but I hate each of them already. I hate the Braves a little more based on 7:35 tomorrow night, but the Phillies have caught up fast. Well, they came close to catching up — loaded the bases and everything.
Phillies or Braves? Braves or Phillies? ¿Quién es mas detestable? There is no wrong answer. The ground can't cause a fumble but it can, with my blessing, open up and swallow both teams whole, piling their flailing carcasses (if indeed carcasses can flail) willy-nilly over those belonging to the Defending World Champions.
Antipathy for your rivals in spring…this sure beats staring out the window and waiting for hate.

Anonymous

April 5th, 2007 at 7:48 pm

I have to admit that I go for the team in crimson in this contest, as to which is currently the more dislikable.
At least the Braves had the sense to shun John Rocker after he made those assholic remarks, and nobody in the unis with tomahawks has mouthed off about the Mets since then to any great degree. Even Chipper was giggly after being “Laaaaaariiiieeeed” at Shea, he didn't seem to mind it one bit. “At least now I can remember my name,” he said, or suchlike.
Brett Myers, OTOH, is glorygloryhallastoooopid (thanks, George Clinton) to make himself and his team targets like that, even in their own ballpark. Can you imagine Curt Schilling saying something like that about Yankees fans? He'd need ten Dobermans just to walk him to his Escalade. And Mr. Rollins is going to learn PDQ the meaning of what Bo Diddley once said: “Don't let your mouth write no check your tail can't cash.”

April 6th, 2007 at 2:23 am

It's all the same to me. I'm happy to beat the living crap out of both of them. One right after the other, as it happens.
Carcasses will flail. And I'll spit on all 50 of them. They've earned it.

April 6th, 2007 at 6:00 am

The Braves are the real enemy here. The Phillies want us to hate them. This whole thing smacks of marketing ploy to me. They declare themselves better than the division champion — so the whole story becomes crusty old establishment Mets vs. the gutsy youthful insurgent Phils. After Brett Myers made that remark about not wanting to allow Met fans into Citizen's Bank I read all these comments on Metsblog by people saying things like, “Oh yeah? Well Mr. Myers, we're gonna charter a bus down there and fill the stands with oceans of orange and blue!” And as much as I appreciate the sentiment and (as a current Philadelphia resident) the company, it seems funny to say, “Those bastards! We'll show them! Open your wallets, Met fans, and strike back at the our foe!”
Anyway, my point is that this is spin. The story was the Braves, now the story is the Mets beating the Braves, and the Phillies want in on the action. It takes two to tango, and these jokers have yet to prove themselves worthy of our enmity. Get off our coattails, suckers.
But I fucking hate the Braves. I refuse to call a grown man Chipper.

April 6th, 2007 at 9:20 am

“The Other Dead Meat”
Classic. Just Classic.
I am going on Thursday, hopefully to see a sweep of the Phillets.
Let the beatings begin.

April 6th, 2007 at 9:54 am

The Phillies didn't just fall to this earth when those comments were made. They've been our enemy for years! I don't care about spin, I care about beating these two into submission. They're both in our way, and we've got 38 games ahead of us… all of which matter equally.
As Echo and the Bunnymen might say… bring on the flailing corpses.

April 6th, 2007 at 12:51 pm

ah, two of my favorite things. the Mets and the Bunnymen. nice!

April 6th, 2007 at 1:45 pm

Interesting theory, Joshua. The Braves are indeed the Braves. The Phillies, however, have Ryan Howard and Chase Utley, two very talented ballplayers who have the potential to make the next decade as troublesome as Larry and Andruw did the last one (though they haven't retired yet either). Not that either one of those Phillies is necessarily loathsome as a human being (I'm guessing we just haven't out that they are yet), they are, by dint of the schedule makers, in our faces.
That's enough for me.

April 6th, 2007 at 4:00 pm

Two words: Pat Burrell
Two more: Shane Victorino
Not to mention perennial PITA Wes Helms, and newer side-thorn Ryan Madson.
I hate this team.

April 6th, 2007 at 4:04 pm

I'll be there Monday and Wednesday for some Phillie Phlogging, and then for the continued smackdown of the NL East… ExpoGnats on Friday.
I'm seething already. Feels gooooood.

April 6th, 2007 at 6:25 pm

To say nothing of that annoying Kevin Jordan who fouled off like 15 pitches before singling. And that horrid Darren Winston who pitched like Curt Schilling that same month. And the immortal Joe Grahe.
If you don't have time for every irritating Phillie, they have indeed been distilled into one Pat Burrell for your hating convenience.
The Braves suck, too.

April 6th, 2007 at 7:25 pm

My point is just that hatred is a weird form of respect, and I don't respect the Phillies that much (yet). Though I could strangle Burrel with my bare hands.
Also, as a Philadelphia resident, I can say with authority that no Philly fans actually think that they're the team to beat this year. In fact, most of the fans think the Phillies suck, especially since Eaton got eaten.
You know, they'd be a lot better if Ugueth Urbina hadn't been convicted of trying to murder someone with a machete. I say send Rollins to bust him out.

April 6th, 2007 at 7:27 pm

I don't think I could even list every irritating, soul-destroying Phillie of the last 10 years or so. I was just sticking to the current collection of demons.
Kevin Jordan. God, I could have killed him with my bare hands.

April 6th, 2007 at 7:32 pm

Joshua, we're both so violent tonight! I was typing while you were posting, and it looks like we both could do a fair amount of damage to any number of Phillies! :-)

April 6th, 2007 at 7:35 pm

HAHAHAHA, Greg, I just re-read “for your hating convenience” and it struck me as unreasonably hilarious! I can't stop laughing!!! What a turn of phrase!!
Oh man, that's too funny. I'll be giggling uncontrollably over that one when I try to go to sleep… for the next week.

April 6th, 2007 at 7:36 pm

Hahahah, it's the game-time killer instinct kicking in. Also, apparently neither of us are wearing gloves!
Let's go Mets!

October 16th, 2007 at 8:30 am

Ah, the good old days.