I'm tellin' ya, fellas, it'll be easy. They'll never even know we're not tryin'. Here's everybody's assignments.

Kris: We're gonna getcha a lead. Not too much a lead. First we'll have one'a those innings this team always has. Ya know, make a coupla outs, then get some guys on and then when it's time ta turn […]

Well, it was fun. Now here we are in more-familiar confines: Last place, .500 record.

We were heading out to dinner and wound up behind a gaggle of depressed Brooklyn Heights Met fans who'd obviously just returned from the game: They'd stripped off their gear and were holding their Beltran bobbleheads glumly, like they wanted to […]

Hope you get an enjoyable visit today — we'll be there tomorrow for Joshua's second-ever Mets game. He's very excited, though I'm not sure how we're going to handle the fact that he's somehow gotten it into his head that he's going to play. (Perhaps I've been telling him too many tales of the 2003 […]

They're one person, I've decided. It's just easier that way. Charlon Woonderson is the best darn IF/OF/PH we've had since I don't know when. Wearing No. 184 (or sometimes 418), he comes in wherever and whenever required and gets the job done.

• Need to get a guy on? Woonderson!

• Need someone to drive him in? […]

On the evening of May 31st, fresh from not playing a baseball game on Memorial Day, we were 26-26. In June, we went 13-13. It's July 1 and our record stands at 39-39. (This is my version of sabermetrics.)

In the New York Times, Lee Jenkins can't seem to stand the sight of us, starting […]

Because the ninth belongs to us…

Hey, Braden Looper isn't permanently damaged by his world-ending implosion Sunday night. All saves aren't created equal, but all saves have their place in the course of a season, and it's good to see Loop ain't dead yet.

Maybe we are, maybe we aren't, but there was fun today. Pedro as […]

In the bottom of the second, with Mike Piazza at bat, Phillies' catcher Todd Pratt didn't like Alfonso Marquez calling a ball on what Tank was sure was strike three. An instant after expressing his displeasure, he was ejected.

“Todd Pratt,” judged Fran Healy, “must've said the magic words.”

Shoot, take the magic words out of Todd […]

Because Kaz Ishii can't.

Ishii will fool you with the occasional decent outing, but when he blows up it's so spectacular he tends to take the whole bullpen with him, which is not what we need before a day game.

Time to face facts: Ishii has had 11 starts and seven of them have been out-and-out bad. […]

Whoa.

Gary Sheffield for Mike Cameron is the hot rumor, advanced here by Joel Sherman of the Post and here by Bob Klapisch in the Bergen Record.

The two accounts differ on other players: Klapisch says Cairo would be going back to the Bronx and that the Mets would want financial relief; Sherman just notes additional […]