FAFIF Fantasy Camp Correspondent Jeff Hysen is rounding third and sprinting toward his final full day in St. Lucie. Are his pockets lighter? Did he prepare his laundry correctly? Is it possible one former Met is a stickler for grammar? Here’s the dope from Thursday.

One piece of advice that I would give someone going to a baseball fantasy camp is to do sprints. I took up jogging and that’s helped me lose weight and gain stamina but it doesn’t help you when you have to drop the bat and run or run around the bases or move to track a fly ball. As a result, my quads hurt. I’m not complaining, though. It’s part of the Fantasy Camp experience. The trainers are fantastic — they are from the Mets minor league system — and they treat us great. There are a lot of campers with injuries far worse than mine but nobody is going home or missing a game.

Having regular Mets staffers here is one of the ways that they treat each of us like a major leaguer. Our bus driver is used during Spring Training, and he drives the Port St. Lucie Mets during their season. The clubhouse guys are regular staffers. They’ve welcomed us like we’re part of the team.

Thursday officially began with the daily meeting. First, we received our third talk about the laundry loop. Then, Commissioner John Stearns gave out the Golden Rope and Brown Rope. The Golden Rope is for play the previous day. They have multiple nominees (and were generous enough to make me one) and wound up giving the rope to a guy who pitched a complete game despite having a broken bone in his pitching hand. The Brown Rope goes to players and coaches for misdeeds like forgetting to wear your helmet; wearing your chest protector inside out; or for making a bad managerial move. Everybody applauds and it gets the day going on a fun note.

A lot of credit for that goes to Stearns who has nonstop enthusiasm. The four games are on adjacent fields and he goes from field to field cheering us on.

To amend the original coaches list — not here: Eric Hillman, Rodney McCray, Rafael Santana, Guy Conti; here: Ed Kranepool (for two days but two days of seeing Kranepool was special); Bernard Gilkey; and, as of Thursday, Tim Teufel.

The weather finally turned warm as the day went on. We won our final “regular season” game. Bunting is not encouraged because guys usually want to swing the bat, but with the game on the line, I bunted with the score tied in the bottom of the sixth (we play seven innings) and runners on first and second, nobody out. I managed to beat it out and we scored 4 runs. Later, we won our first playoff game in extra innings to advance to the semis.

Pat Zachry update: he said that I seemed sinister because I smile so much. Zachry is one of many good guys among the coaching staff. Wine, Brantley, Randle, Schourek, Gaspar, Millan, Capra, Montañez…I really could name them all.

Thursday night was the Kangaroo Court. As it was a “closed session,” I will not tell you exactly what transpired, but I can tell you that I managed largely to escape its wrath. I was told that I would be fined for wearing jeans in the batting cage — it was 7:30 in the morning, at least I was in the cage! — but there were other transgressions worse than mine.

From there, it was back to Duffy’s. I’ll just say that the coaches don’t mind hanging out with the players and the players are thrilled to hang out with the coaches. Turns out one of them claims to have been reading my reports here and believes I end too many sentences with prepositions.

Nevertheless, he’s still a good guy to hang out with.

FAFIF Fantasy Camp correspondent Jeff Hysen is not letting the laundry loop hamper his [friggin’] good time in St. Lucie, but he may be a little lighter in the pockets once the kangaroo court gavels into session. What’s said in the bull session mostly stays in the bull session, but Jeff has a few other things to tell us.

I knew that I would have to learn to hit and throw and run but I didn’t know that I would have to learn about the laundry loop. This is a big deal at camp. We’ve been lectured on it twice and the clubhouse guys come around to see if we’re doing it right. For a proper loop, you put a sock in the loop on the end, tighten the loop, do the same at the other end with your other sock, then put everything else (other than uniform and towels) in the middle, belt the two ends, and throw it in the bin. Apparently some aren’t doing it correctly, which prompted a repeat lecture.

It was really cold this morning. I don’t expect sympathy, given the weather “up north,” but when you come to Florida, you don’t expect to hear the phrases “dress in layers” and “wind chill advisory.” After another hitting session with Mickey Brantley, I went for a run on the campus. I passed Gil Hodges Way and Tom Seaver Curve en route to Tradition Field. I ran around the warning track until the automatic sprinklers went on. It made me think of Pedro.

It was picture day so after a group picture, a picture with the coaching staff, individual pictures and team pictures (all available for a price), it was onto our first game. One of our guys hit a shot that I thought was out but it struck the fence (on a fly!). I thought that the fence was very high and it was. The field was configured to the specifications of Citi Field. Once this season starts, we’re going to be bemoaning the heights of the fences…well, at least in the bottom halves of innings.

Just so you know about these games, we play seven innings, a pitcher has to be pulled after giving up six runs, there is no stealing, no running on the pitch (unless it’s a 3-2 count with two outs), the leads are only to the edge of the grass, and there are no wild pitches or passed balls. The lineup begins where it ended at the previous game to help ensure equal playing time. When I saw that each team had between nine and eleven guys, I said that this meant a lot of action. I was told that we’d miss the extra players and this has already come true — guys get hurt and you need the extra players. The team we played in the afternoon needed coaches to play in center and right.

I was surprised at how annoyed/upset I was with myself for hitting poorly Tuesday. I haven’t faced a pitcher throwing a hardball in about 38 years so I shouldn’t have been surprised, yet I was. There are many guys here who are really into the games and, to an extent, that’s rubbed off on me. I thought that the games would be relaxed and fun, but they are serious (despite the modified rules). One repeat camper said that he was only here because he did so poorly last year. Another said he was here to “redeem himself” for last year. One guy said that he’s not even a Mets fan and is only here to play ball (making the fantasy part irrelevant for him).

I’m happy to report that things went better Wednesday. In the first game, I had the game winning RBI when I was hit by a pitch with the bases loaded. In the second game, I had two hits. More importantly, Capra’s Cyclones won twice. We have some excellent players on the team. Coach Capra — Buzz — was very happy.

From there, it was time for a Bull Session in which the coaches answered our questions. I will not relay most of what was said; not that it was controversial, but they weren’t speaking for attribution (only for us). We heard stories about 1969, Yogi and Gil. One thing that I think you will be interested in: when a question was asked about the last two Septembers, new bullpen coach Randy Niemann stood up and said, slowly, “That will not happen again.”

Pat Zachry update: he saw me at photos and yelled “stop [friggin’] smiling!” As I walked into the Bull Session, he simply scowled and made a motion across his lips.

Capra’s Cyclones had a team bonding dinner at Duffy’s. Buzz joined us and told some great stories. Two more games tomorrow and then the Kangaroo Court. I’ve already been told that I will be fined. More on that tomorrow.

FAFIF Fantasy Camp correspondent Jeff Hysen spent Inauguration Day not so solemnly swearing while, to the best of his ability, attempting to execute fundamentals and defend against fly balls. Now that he’s iced his chest, Jeff files his dispatch from Tuesday.

The next time that I hear about a player being late for practice during spring training, I will think of this morning. Events didn’t start until 8:45 but at least half the camp was at the field by 7:00.

I saw Pat Zachry again and he again said to me “You’re [friggin’] smiling. People are gonna think you’re having a good time!” I said “I am having a good time.” He said, “What?” and I answered, “I am having a [friggin’] good time!”

He laughed.

After a nice breakfast, which included grits, we went to the hitting cages. I had a lesson with Mickey Brantley, who is an excellent teacher. After stretching, we were divided into groups for evaluation. First was outfield play. Ron Swoboda told us that he learned a lot by watching Curt Flood. Lenny Randle stressed the importance of not colliding with anybody — he said that when a fly ball was hit his way, he would yell “get the [frig] out of the way!” It was very windy and tough to catch the flies. After I did, Randle chest bumped me.

At pitching and catching, Zachry saw me and yelled “you’re still smiling!” Anthony Young tried to teach me to pitch, without success. Then Zachry came over, said “you don’t suck as much as you think you do” and switched me to a stretch position — which sort of worked. From there, we had a hitting lesson with former Mets minor league coach Al LeBeouf (“the bat is not an automatic weapon…it is manually operated”). After that, it was infield, with Doug Flynn and Bobby Wine. Wine didn’t like me missing a grounder and got on my case. It is all in fun, I think. We then hit and broke for the morning.

Yes, we watched the inauguration. Lenny Randle was almost in tears.

The coaches picked their teams and I was put on Buzz Capra’s team, the Cyclones. Willie Montañez is one of our coaches. We lost our game 6-5 to a team coached by Pete Schourek and Felix Millan. Let’s just say that I didn’t contribute much to the effort (if you’re reading this and expecting me to tell you stories of my diamond exploits, I fear that you will be disappointed). The camp staff wisely includes trainers from the Mets minor league system and, after the game, the line was out the door. The Mets are big on icing our wounds — too bad that they can’t treat our wounds from the last two Septembers.

Note to my friend Bob: free beer in the locker room.

If you’re wondering about the makeup of the campers, there are about 80 guys (and it’s only guys, although there have been women in other years), mostly white and from New York, New Jersey or Connecticut. Almost everyone is friendly and enjoying the experience. About half are camp veterans, with one guy in his eighth year. Several received this as a birthday present (like me) and many are with their brothers, fathers, or other relatives (if so, they are placed on the same team).

A large group went to dinner at Duffy’s, the same Duffy’s that the sports writers tell us in Spring Training is the only good place in town and where John Maine always goes to bowl. It has about 50 flat screens and good food. We talked a lot about how sore we are. We’ll be in worse shape tomorrow after two games.

One sort of-news item to pass on: Duaner Sanchez is here. I watched him play catch with a clubhouse attendant. Afterwards, I asked the attendant how Duaner looked and he said “real good.”

You’ve read of the path that brought Jeff Hysen to Mets Fantasy Camp this week. And hopefully you’ve noticed the change of clothes he can believe in. Now Jeff tells us what it was like becoming a Met yesterday.

I was greeted by Ed Kranepool, in uniform, as I entered the locker room for the first time. Doug Flynn pitched BP to me. I shook Felix Millan’s hand. And I heard John Stearns tell a great story.

I’ve been looking forward to this for over a year and the first day didn’t disappoint. First, I was a late arrival but the camp had someone waiting for me at the airport (there were buses for those traveling from New York and New Jersey). After checking in, I got to the field for the “optional” workout — and everyone was there. Ed Kranepool wasn’t listed as a coach but he greeted all the campers as they arrived. He was very friendly and it was a thrill to meet him. Then it was off to a “side” field. John Stearns loudly yelled that everyone had to hit. I stepped in against Doug Flynn and, with Joe Pignatano watching from behind the cage, fouled a few off before lining a single. After a few more swings, I was done. Fielding drills followed. We were sent around the infield and when we got to third base, one guy said that there should be a cutoff man at the pitcher’s mound. I went over to Flynn to thank him for throwing BP. He asked me about myself and then took me over to meet Pat Zachry. Flynn said “we’re two of the shits that were traded for Tom Seaver.” (Steve Henderson is here, too, so there’s another.)

The introductory dinner was led by Camp Commissioner Stearns. Before we ate, I walked with another guy to say hello, and the other guy mentioned a game in 1978 in which Stearns blocked the plate on an incoming Dave Parker, causing Parker to break his cheekbone. Stearns told us about the play in detail, including the RF (Joel Youngblood) and the batter (Lee Lacy).

Before dinner, Stearns introduced the coaches with some of the loudest applause for Felix Millan, Ed Kranepool, Ron Swoboda and… Anthony Young! We’ll see if somebody brings up his historic losing streak at the “bull session” later in the week. When Stearns introduced Steve Henderson, he mentioned an AB against Goose Gossage in Henderson’s rookie year. He said that Henderson took a long time to get ready and Gossage didn’t like that so he brushed him back. On the next pitch, Henderson hit a home run.

The campers are very excited and happy to be here. There are around 80 guys here and there were 80 last week. I was told that they usually have between 100 and 120 so I guess you have to chalk it up to the economy. The other guys are strangers to me, but it was easy to talk Mets with them. Tomorrow are the “tryouts”, after which the coaches conduct a draft (behind closed doors, thankfully) and you then join your team. We’ll play five seven-inning games in the next three days.

As I left the dinner, Pat Zachry saw me and said “if you keep [friggin’] smiling, people are gonna think you’re having a good time.”

I am.

For some, it must seem like a fantasy that their perennially pathetic football team has made it to the championship game. Two Sundays from now, their fantasy will come true.

For others, it must seem like a fantasy that someone who looks like them is about to be sworn in as President of the United States. Tuesday at noon, their fantasy will come true.

For one friend of mine, his fantasy is happening right now.

Jeff Hysen — bmfc1 here on occasion and, as he points out, “the only person to sit with Greg and then Jason at two different Mets games in Nationals Park” — is in Port St. Lucie. As Pitchers & Catchers is weeks away, he’s too early to watch the 2009 Mets take the field. But he’s right on time to do so himself.

Yes, Jeff is a New York Mets Fantasy Camper. I asked him to share his early thoughts on what being such a thing is actually like with Faith and Fear.

“First of all,” Jeff stresses, “this week is a gift, a generous one at that, from my parents for my 50th birthday. They offered to send me after my 49th but I wanted a year to get in better shape and look forward to the experience. I’ve dropped 18 pounds, taken some hitting lessons, and looked forward to this for 14 months.”

Jeff sports a Mets license plate and carries a Mets keychain and, most importantly, maintains a great sense of Met self. “I grew up in Great Neck and moved to Maryland 21 years ago,” he explains. “Leaving New York, and then having two sons, didn’t lessen my love for all things blue and orange. Instead, my devotion to the Mets has increased as I’ve gotten older.”

And now, through Saturday, he is a Met.

All this week, Jeff will be, as his coaches allow — “If Pete Schourek wants to go for a beer, I’m going” — sending us dispatches which we are honored to pass along in admiration and a bit of envy (for being in warm weather if nothing else).

“As an attorney for over 20 years,” Jeff insists on adding, “my writing has gotten drier over time. Statement of facts, points of law, argument, conclusion. Yawn. By attorney standards, I’m a riot, but as a blogger, not so much.” I’m not too worried about Jeff’s communication skills (he got his love of the Mets across to his parents, something not all of us are very good at), but he did want to let everyone know that “my family will be reading the Comments, so try and be nice.”

Mets Players and Coaches Also in St. Lucie This Week

John Stearns

Ron Swoboda

Pete Schourek

Bobby Floyd

Duffy Dyer

Jim McAndrew

Joe Pignatano

Pat Zachry

Willie Montañez

Felix Millan

Rafael Santana

Rod Gaspar

Kevin Baez

Mickey Brantley

Lenny Randle

Guy Conti

Buzz Capra

Randy Neimann

Eric Hillman

Bobby Wine

Doug Flynn

Rodney McCray

Anthony Young

A different kind of fantasy gathering, but one ideal for those wishing a little less exertion: the Baseball Assistance Team dinner, in Manhattan, a week from Tuesday. Lots of Mets heroes on hand there, too. For more information on the January 27 event, please visit the B.A.T. site.